1 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:17,852 Son, sometimes in life, 2 00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:20,689 you have to perform a best friend rescue. 3 00:00:20,689 --> 00:00:23,900 Remember the time I had to drive you to Aunt Val's house 4 00:00:23,900 --> 00:00:26,319 to stop her from bleaching her hair? 5 00:00:26,319 --> 00:00:27,320 Yeah. 6 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:29,520 I-I still don't really understand what the big deal was. 7 00:00:30,657 --> 00:00:32,701 How many times do I have to say it? 8 00:00:32,701 --> 00:00:35,078 I'm the blonde one! 9 00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:38,456 Okay. Swish and Val's engagement party is tomorrow, 10 00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:41,543 and if we all work together, we can make it a success. 11 00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:44,546 And here, we're defining success 12 00:00:44,546 --> 00:00:47,549 as killing this engagement dead. Any questions? 13 00:00:48,091 --> 00:00:49,843 I'm straight off a plane here, 14 00:00:49,843 --> 00:00:51,887 so my question would be, what? 15 00:00:52,637 --> 00:00:54,848 A bubbly undergrad proposed to Val, 16 00:00:54,848 --> 00:00:56,308 and she doesn't wanna go through with it, 17 00:00:56,308 --> 00:00:59,352 and I'm not ready for married lame friends. 18 00:01:01,563 --> 00:01:03,398 Except for you guys! 19 00:01:03,398 --> 00:01:05,150 Love your love. 20 00:01:05,775 --> 00:01:08,194 So, what am I looking at here, exactly? 21 00:01:08,194 --> 00:01:11,573 Um, well, I wanted to do a presentation, but I ran out of time. 22 00:01:11,573 --> 00:01:12,991 Oh, so why'd you bring it? 23 00:01:12,991 --> 00:01:15,327 Well, I didn't buy PowerPoint for nothing. 24 00:01:15,327 --> 00:01:17,162 Didn't you? 25 00:01:17,162 --> 00:01:18,455 Okay. Crazy thought. 26 00:01:18,455 --> 00:01:20,749 What if Val breaks up with Swish 27 00:01:20,749 --> 00:01:23,835 using words like, I don't know, "I'm breaking up with you, Swish." 28 00:01:24,669 --> 00:01:26,713 Uh! We tried. 29 00:01:26,713 --> 00:01:30,634 Swish, you are a wonderful person, 30 00:01:30,634 --> 00:01:34,054 and I have so enjoyed our time together. 31 00:01:34,054 --> 00:01:35,096 But... 32 00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:40,435 - You do it. - I can't. I see it, too. 33 00:01:41,686 --> 00:01:44,522 Disappointing Swish face-to-face is a no-go. 34 00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:47,901 So here's the plan. Tomorrow, we are gonna convince Swish 35 00:01:47,901 --> 00:01:50,487 that he doesn't wanna marry Val. Ellen, 36 00:01:50,487 --> 00:01:53,198 you're gonna play the role of "bitter divorced lady." 37 00:01:53,198 --> 00:01:56,701 Ooh! Can my name be Maureen? 38 00:01:56,701 --> 00:01:57,994 No. He's met you. 39 00:01:57,994 --> 00:01:59,454 Sid, Hannah. 40 00:01:59,454 --> 00:02:01,498 You guys are gonna be the unhappy married couple 41 00:02:01,498 --> 00:02:02,999 who just can't stop fighting. 42 00:02:02,999 --> 00:02:05,252 This is our first weekend together in a month, 43 00:02:05,252 --> 00:02:06,545 and we're supposed to fake a fight? 44 00:02:06,545 --> 00:02:08,838 Glad you get it. Charlie! 45 00:02:08,838 --> 00:02:12,133 You will be the fun bachelor who's going to remind Swish 46 00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:13,843 of all the great casual sex 47 00:02:13,843 --> 00:02:15,887 he'll be missing out on if he gets hitched. 48 00:02:15,887 --> 00:02:19,015 Love that for me, but I can't. I'm bringing Julia. 49 00:02:19,015 --> 00:02:21,017 Oh, nice. How's that going, anyway? 50 00:02:21,017 --> 00:02:23,144 - Next topic, please. - You don't like Julia? 51 00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:24,854 Julia's fine. 52 00:02:24,854 --> 00:02:27,732 Just having a little roommate kerfuffle. It's nothing to fret over. 53 00:02:27,732 --> 00:02:29,276 Next. Topic. Please. 54 00:02:30,944 --> 00:02:34,030 Okay, Jesse, then you'll be Mr. "I live for casual sex." 55 00:02:34,030 --> 00:02:36,032 I hate guys like that. What's your thing? 56 00:02:36,032 --> 00:02:37,742 - Can I just do that instead? - No! 57 00:02:37,742 --> 00:02:40,829 I am gonna show Swish how ancient I am. 58 00:02:40,829 --> 00:02:43,206 Then, I'll mention that Val and I are the same age, 59 00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:44,416 and he'll connect the dots. 60 00:02:44,416 --> 00:02:46,418 Smart! He loves Connect the Dots! 61 00:02:47,252 --> 00:02:48,670 Babe! 62 00:02:48,670 --> 00:02:51,172 It's not a horse! It's a unicorn! 63 00:02:52,465 --> 00:02:53,800 I did that. 64 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:55,302 Don't worry, Val. 65 00:02:55,302 --> 00:02:57,679 As soon as I'm done with you, you are going to be... 66 00:02:57,679 --> 00:02:59,848 Single AF! 67 00:02:59,848 --> 00:03:02,267 That says "sing leaf." 68 00:03:03,226 --> 00:03:04,269 Damn it. 69 00:03:04,728 --> 00:03:07,397 I'm gonna be the most married person in the world. 70 00:03:10,984 --> 00:03:12,986 So, um, if Swish asks, 71 00:03:12,986 --> 00:03:15,238 my parents are in India. 72 00:03:15,238 --> 00:03:16,615 What? Why? 73 00:03:16,615 --> 00:03:18,158 He wanted my dad's blessing, 74 00:03:18,158 --> 00:03:20,493 so I told him they were out of the country. 75 00:03:20,493 --> 00:03:22,733 Photoshopped a picture of them in front of the Taj Mahal. 76 00:03:23,288 --> 00:03:24,372 Fiancée! 77 00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:26,041 Hey... 78 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,043 Mwah! 79 00:03:28,043 --> 00:03:29,252 Oh, my gosh. 80 00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:32,297 I just saw our unborn children in your eyes. 81 00:03:32,297 --> 00:03:33,340 Do you see them in mine? 82 00:03:33,965 --> 00:03:36,218 Nope. Just, like, 83 00:03:36,218 --> 00:03:37,469 your pupils. 84 00:03:38,136 --> 00:03:40,680 Oh, right. I'm being stupid because they say that you see 85 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,183 the spark of the children in the mother's eyes. 86 00:03:43,183 --> 00:03:45,227 You probably just see, like, little sperms in mine. 87 00:03:49,105 --> 00:03:50,857 Oh! Sorry. 88 00:03:51,358 --> 00:03:52,525 I guess it's true what they say. 89 00:03:52,525 --> 00:03:56,363 Back pain is youth just leaving the body. 90 00:03:56,363 --> 00:03:59,658 I'm going through changes now that I'm creeping up on the big 3-1. 91 00:03:59,658 --> 00:04:01,534 You know what I realized the other day? 92 00:04:01,534 --> 00:04:03,620 When you're 31, 93 00:04:03,620 --> 00:04:05,455 Val's gonna be 43. 94 00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:11,336 And when you're 43, she'll be 55. 95 00:04:12,587 --> 00:04:14,589 We get it! You're a horny cat. 96 00:04:15,298 --> 00:04:17,801 I love being with an experienced woman. 97 00:04:17,801 --> 00:04:21,121 I think it's beautiful that you guys have to take your pants off when you come home. 98 00:04:24,057 --> 00:04:25,475 Hey, have you met Jesse? 99 00:04:25,475 --> 00:04:27,811 Hey, hey, hey! 100 00:04:27,811 --> 00:04:30,438 So, tying the old knot, huh? 101 00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:31,731 Yeah. I could never. 102 00:04:31,731 --> 00:04:33,775 I'd get hung up thinking about all those... 103 00:04:34,693 --> 00:04:37,112 tasty women I'd be missing out on. 104 00:04:37,862 --> 00:04:40,657 - Tasty... - Tasty, tasty meat. 105 00:04:40,657 --> 00:04:42,951 Big ol' husks, huh? I mean, 106 00:04:42,951 --> 00:04:46,329 women are objects, and the subject is sex, 107 00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:47,956 - am I right? - Okay. 108 00:04:47,956 --> 00:04:50,458 Yeah, if you ask me, best to stay single 109 00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:53,461 'cause life's just a big ol' bag of boobs. 110 00:04:55,297 --> 00:04:57,549 - What are you doing? - Sorry. 111 00:04:57,549 --> 00:05:00,218 Was bag of boobs weird? I was between that and butt parade. 112 00:05:01,386 --> 00:05:03,013 How did I ever have sex with you? 113 00:05:03,013 --> 00:05:04,264 Missionary, right? 114 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:10,145 Marrying young was the biggest mistake I've ever made. 115 00:05:10,145 --> 00:05:12,147 I'm a broken shell of a woman. 116 00:05:12,147 --> 00:05:15,567 Nothing like the Maureen I used to be. 117 00:05:16,067 --> 00:05:17,587 Wait, I thought your name was Ellen. 118 00:05:18,278 --> 00:05:20,947 You remember that? God, you're a good listener. 119 00:05:21,323 --> 00:05:24,618 And plus, you don't seem broken. Y-You have a cool job, 120 00:05:24,618 --> 00:05:28,079 you're a great friend, and Val says your girlfriend is freakin' dope. 121 00:05:28,079 --> 00:05:29,539 Yeah, Rachel rules. 122 00:05:29,539 --> 00:05:31,958 I guess I'm kicking butt out there, huh? 123 00:05:31,958 --> 00:05:33,793 - Thanks, Swish. - Hey, no problem, Maureen. 124 00:05:34,794 --> 00:05:37,034 Look, you wanna be called Maureen, I'll call you Maureen. 125 00:05:37,464 --> 00:05:38,590 Later. 126 00:05:41,551 --> 00:05:45,055 I'm sorry. He smiled at me, and then I just forgot. 127 00:05:45,055 --> 00:05:47,641 A-And then, I had an overwhelming desire 128 00:05:47,641 --> 00:05:50,143 to-to be his mom, but, like a chill one. 129 00:05:50,143 --> 00:05:52,354 Like, he could smoke in front of me. 130 00:05:53,104 --> 00:05:54,773 Mom? 131 00:05:54,773 --> 00:05:57,108 Ellen, that's it! 132 00:05:58,485 --> 00:06:00,766 You're pretty tough to talk to sometimes, you know that? 133 00:06:01,363 --> 00:06:02,822 And then I'll say, 134 00:06:02,822 --> 00:06:05,533 "Church shmurch! Sunday's for football!" 135 00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:08,245 And then you'll say, "Well, I never." 136 00:06:08,245 --> 00:06:10,247 I've never once said that in my life. 137 00:06:10,247 --> 00:06:12,165 Okay, well, do the other line we talked about. 138 00:06:13,250 --> 00:06:15,835 Fine. I'll say, "You're not gettin' any of this tonight," 139 00:06:15,835 --> 00:06:17,379 but I'm not pointing at my crotch. 140 00:06:19,381 --> 00:06:21,299 Wait, you have Zillow alerts on? 141 00:06:21,299 --> 00:06:23,009 Hell, yeah. Me, too. 142 00:06:23,009 --> 00:06:24,594 How do you feel about exposed brick? 143 00:06:24,594 --> 00:06:26,513 I know it makes me a basic bitch, but I love it. 144 00:06:28,223 --> 00:06:30,725 Wait, Hannah, this is for a house in Los Angeles. 145 00:06:31,768 --> 00:06:33,812 I live in a nice area. 146 00:06:33,812 --> 00:06:35,772 I got curious, that's all. 147 00:06:35,772 --> 00:06:38,441 Uh-huh. Curious like, 148 00:06:38,441 --> 00:06:40,860 "Look how much these suckers paid for this dump," 149 00:06:40,860 --> 00:06:43,488 or curious like, "I wanna be one of these suckers"? 150 00:06:43,488 --> 00:06:45,490 What do you want me to say? 151 00:06:45,490 --> 00:06:49,286 I've lived in LA for a while now, I love my job, I'm making friends... 152 00:06:49,286 --> 00:06:51,746 Yeah, Hannah, but we have a plan. Like, you were supposed to move here 153 00:06:51,746 --> 00:06:52,998 when your residency is over. 154 00:06:52,998 --> 00:06:54,457 That's always been the plan. 155 00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:56,459 I don't wanna talk about this here. 156 00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:58,044 Can't we just fake fight now? 157 00:06:58,044 --> 00:07:01,172 We can't fake fight now. We're in a real fight. 158 00:07:04,050 --> 00:07:05,343 Ellen, right? 159 00:07:05,343 --> 00:07:07,345 I'm Julia. I was actually at your place the other night. 160 00:07:07,345 --> 00:07:09,723 Oh, I know you were. Hi. 161 00:07:10,557 --> 00:07:12,517 - You're looking well. - As are you. 162 00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:16,146 - Why are you guys being weird? - We're not. 163 00:07:16,146 --> 00:07:18,732 And there is no "we." On your way now. 164 00:07:22,444 --> 00:07:24,154 Hey, babe. Long-ass pee, huh? 165 00:07:24,154 --> 00:07:25,780 What happened, you drank too many Gatorades? 166 00:07:25,780 --> 00:07:27,782 Uh... sure. 167 00:07:27,782 --> 00:07:30,201 Oh, my boy Doink made it! Doink! 168 00:07:34,748 --> 00:07:38,043 Um, I gotta say, I'm not feeling any less engaged. 169 00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:39,669 Okay, we've had some misses. 170 00:07:39,669 --> 00:07:41,880 Alright, but I have a new plan, and the main thing 171 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:44,216 that I want you to focus on 172 00:07:44,216 --> 00:07:47,969 is, is not being, um, mad at me. 173 00:07:47,969 --> 00:07:50,680 Hey. We came as soon as we got your text. 174 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,391 Oh, Val, what are we gonna do with you? 175 00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:02,192 You're engaged to a child? 176 00:08:02,192 --> 00:08:05,237 What have you done to your life, my darling? 177 00:08:05,237 --> 00:08:07,530 It's because we gave her that cell phone too early. 178 00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:09,616 That Motorola Razr rotted out her brain. 179 00:08:09,616 --> 00:08:12,535 - Oh... - I need you guys to focus, okay? 180 00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:14,204 Swish wants your blessing, 181 00:08:14,204 --> 00:08:15,789 and if you don't give it to him, 182 00:08:15,789 --> 00:08:17,457 he will call it off. For a guy named Swish, 183 00:08:17,457 --> 00:08:18,917 he's surprisingly traditional. 184 00:08:18,917 --> 00:08:21,419 You're engaged to someone named Swish?! 185 00:08:21,419 --> 00:08:23,880 - It's not his real name. - What is? 186 00:08:27,509 --> 00:08:29,177 Okay, from you, 187 00:08:29,177 --> 00:08:32,055 I need disapproving dad. Glare at him. 188 00:08:32,055 --> 00:08:33,575 - Can you glare for me, Juan? - Yeah. 189 00:08:36,393 --> 00:08:38,645 That's more of like a... a smolder. 190 00:08:38,645 --> 00:08:41,147 I-I'm sorry. I have resting smolder face. 191 00:08:41,147 --> 00:08:43,525 - Oh, it's a curse... - Oh, my God! 192 00:08:43,525 --> 00:08:44,776 How's this? 193 00:08:45,735 --> 00:08:47,946 Oh! There! That's the glare! 194 00:08:47,946 --> 00:08:50,949 And from you, I want subtle disappointment. 195 00:08:50,949 --> 00:08:52,534 Gimme, like, a withering head shake. 196 00:08:53,702 --> 00:08:55,745 Less movement. If it's slight, it hurts more. 197 00:08:57,455 --> 00:09:00,584 - Ooh, devastating. - Mr. and Mrs. M?! 198 00:09:00,584 --> 00:09:03,086 Oh, my gosh, I'm so glad you guys made it! I-I thought you were in India. 199 00:09:03,086 --> 00:09:06,089 Uh, th-they were! Uh, but India... 200 00:09:06,923 --> 00:09:09,676 - closed. - Damn, that sucks. 201 00:09:09,676 --> 00:09:12,679 - But welcome. - He believes India closed? 202 00:09:13,763 --> 00:09:15,265 Uh, thank you. 203 00:09:15,265 --> 00:09:17,809 Hey, why don't you three go get to know each other? 204 00:09:17,809 --> 00:09:18,810 Yeah! Yeah. 205 00:09:18,810 --> 00:09:20,228 Remember, glare and wither. 206 00:09:20,228 --> 00:09:23,268 And don't look directly into his eyes, but don't get lost in his hair either. 207 00:09:25,275 --> 00:09:26,776 Hey, are you okay? 208 00:09:26,776 --> 00:09:29,096 I-I can tell something weird's going on with you and Ellen. 209 00:09:29,362 --> 00:09:31,156 - It was an accident. - What was? 210 00:09:31,156 --> 00:09:32,365 I've said too much. 211 00:09:32,365 --> 00:09:33,950 Never mind. You know, I don't wanna know anymore. 212 00:09:33,950 --> 00:09:35,270 Fine, I'll tell you everything. 213 00:09:35,952 --> 00:09:37,954 It was the first time Julia had spent the night. 214 00:09:39,331 --> 00:09:41,166 Your piggy got out of his pen... 215 00:09:41,166 --> 00:09:43,286 Wha?! What are you doing?! Whoa! 216 00:09:44,878 --> 00:09:46,630 Turns out, Ellen and Julia are back twins. 217 00:09:46,630 --> 00:09:50,592 - I mean, I was destined to fail. - She calls you "Piggy" in bed? 218 00:09:50,592 --> 00:09:51,927 What do you call her? 219 00:09:51,927 --> 00:09:53,678 "Farmer Julie." 220 00:09:53,678 --> 00:09:55,555 She's a dairy farmer who dabbles in pork, 221 00:09:55,555 --> 00:09:57,599 and I'm a dainty little pig who doesn't like the mud. 222 00:09:57,599 --> 00:09:59,601 You guys have been on, like, three dates. 223 00:09:59,601 --> 00:10:01,061 Yes, I know. 224 00:10:01,061 --> 00:10:03,063 Still got a lot of world-building to do. 225 00:10:04,814 --> 00:10:06,816 I mean, what does LA have that New York doesn't? 226 00:10:06,816 --> 00:10:09,444 LA has tons of great things. 227 00:10:09,444 --> 00:10:11,613 I live right near this pupusa place that... 228 00:10:11,613 --> 00:10:14,074 We have pupusas! You want pupusas? 229 00:10:14,074 --> 00:10:16,034 I'll get you a million pupusas. 230 00:10:16,034 --> 00:10:18,828 But they just don't taste as good here. Maybe it's the water. 231 00:10:19,913 --> 00:10:22,457 No, no, no, no, no, no. That is our thing, Hannah. 232 00:10:22,457 --> 00:10:24,918 New York is the one with the water. 233 00:10:26,419 --> 00:10:27,546 Sid, 234 00:10:27,546 --> 00:10:30,423 can we at least have a conversation about you moving to LA. 235 00:10:30,423 --> 00:10:32,425 We're having it, Hannah! It is not going well! 236 00:10:33,593 --> 00:10:34,844 Our plan was always... 237 00:10:34,844 --> 00:10:37,806 Yes, I know what the plan was, but plans can change, Sid. 238 00:10:38,431 --> 00:10:41,726 Hey, guys? Uh, we're working a parent angle right now, 239 00:10:41,726 --> 00:10:43,126 so I'll let you know if I need you. 240 00:10:43,770 --> 00:10:45,605 Loving this energy. It sounds 241 00:10:45,605 --> 00:10:48,275 really ugly in here. Thanks. 242 00:10:50,694 --> 00:10:52,696 I have some concerns. 243 00:10:52,696 --> 00:10:55,782 Valentina doesn't make much money, and you're still in school. 244 00:10:56,533 --> 00:11:00,453 Yeah, you're right. But that's why I whipped up this, uh, 245 00:11:00,453 --> 00:11:01,955 five-year financial plan. 246 00:11:01,955 --> 00:11:03,957 - Oh. - Yeah. 247 00:11:03,957 --> 00:11:05,458 I would start night trucking after class. 248 00:11:05,458 --> 00:11:08,169 I-I have short sleeper syndrome, so I only need about four hours. 249 00:11:08,169 --> 00:11:10,672 And if I work the Jersey-to-DC route for the rest of college, 250 00:11:10,672 --> 00:11:13,258 I would be able to save up for a sick-ass condo. 251 00:11:14,134 --> 00:11:15,969 Wow. You've really thought this through. 252 00:11:15,969 --> 00:11:18,305 Yeah, m-my buddy Doink is a econ major. 253 00:11:18,305 --> 00:11:19,389 Doink! 254 00:11:21,433 --> 00:11:23,810 O-Okay, okay, so you have a plan, 255 00:11:23,810 --> 00:11:25,812 but what is the rush to get married? 256 00:11:25,812 --> 00:11:27,355 I mean, you're just a kid. 257 00:11:27,355 --> 00:11:29,357 With mad due respect, 258 00:11:29,357 --> 00:11:31,526 I just love your daughter way too much to wait. 259 00:11:32,152 --> 00:11:33,153 A-And plus, 260 00:11:33,153 --> 00:11:35,953 didn't Juan propose to you the day that you guys graduated high school? 261 00:11:36,239 --> 00:11:37,240 He did. 262 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,242 And it looks like it worked out for you guys. 263 00:11:40,994 --> 00:11:42,245 Why are they high-fiving? 264 00:11:42,787 --> 00:11:45,248 What the hell is he doing now? 265 00:11:45,248 --> 00:11:48,501 Oh God. It's happening to them. 266 00:11:56,384 --> 00:12:00,430 Okay. The bad news is we gave Swish our blessing. 267 00:12:00,430 --> 00:12:03,016 But, the good news is... 268 00:12:03,016 --> 00:12:05,060 - You get to marry Swish. - What?! 269 00:12:05,060 --> 00:12:07,812 No. She is not marrying Swish. 270 00:12:07,812 --> 00:12:09,022 Why not? 271 00:12:09,022 --> 00:12:11,524 You've never been with anyone this wonderful. 272 00:12:11,524 --> 00:12:14,527 Are you sure that it gets better than Swish, sweetheart? 273 00:12:14,527 --> 00:12:17,113 - Because we're not. - That head of hair. 274 00:12:17,113 --> 00:12:18,365 Think of the grandchildren. 275 00:12:18,365 --> 00:12:20,742 This is crazy. This is insane. 276 00:12:20,742 --> 00:12:23,078 You guys, of course it gets better than Swish. 277 00:12:23,078 --> 00:12:25,247 He's not even the full version of himself yet! 278 00:12:25,247 --> 00:12:26,998 He still has three baby teeth. 279 00:12:27,707 --> 00:12:29,000 You know what? 280 00:12:30,001 --> 00:12:31,253 Um... 281 00:12:32,087 --> 00:12:33,088 Maybe they're right. 282 00:12:33,088 --> 00:12:34,589 What? 283 00:12:35,298 --> 00:12:38,468 I'll do it. I will marry Swish. 284 00:12:41,596 --> 00:12:42,722 Just so you know... 285 00:12:43,348 --> 00:12:45,517 I haven't been this disappointed in hot people 286 00:12:45,517 --> 00:12:49,020 since I saw Heidi Klum throw out a burger just because it fell in a puddle. 287 00:12:51,481 --> 00:12:53,191 Okay. 288 00:12:53,191 --> 00:12:55,235 I think I know how to fix your situation. 289 00:12:55,610 --> 00:12:58,655 - Charlie moves back to England. - Unfair! You move back to England! 290 00:12:58,655 --> 00:12:59,948 Listen! 291 00:12:59,948 --> 00:13:03,410 What happened to you guys reminded me of something. 292 00:13:03,410 --> 00:13:05,912 Something I've worked very hard to forget. 293 00:13:06,705 --> 00:13:09,207 Back when I was with Meredith, she stayed over all the time. 294 00:13:09,207 --> 00:13:11,459 I came home late one night, heard the shower, 295 00:13:11,459 --> 00:13:14,170 figured Sid was asleep, so it must be her. 296 00:13:14,170 --> 00:13:18,049 Meanwhile, Sid was showering, heard the door, assumed it was Hannah... 297 00:13:18,049 --> 00:13:19,551 Okay, we see where this is going. 298 00:13:19,551 --> 00:13:21,553 So you saw your buddy naked. Big deal. 299 00:13:21,553 --> 00:13:24,431 That's not the issue. It was what I heard. 300 00:13:25,557 --> 00:13:27,392 Missin' some evidence, little lady? 301 00:13:30,312 --> 00:13:33,273 - Why was he Southern? - Was his penis the evidence? 302 00:13:33,273 --> 00:13:34,608 Yes, Ellen. 303 00:13:34,608 --> 00:13:37,235 And I think he wanted her to... tamper with it. 304 00:13:38,486 --> 00:13:40,238 Seeing your best friend in sex mode 305 00:13:40,238 --> 00:13:42,407 is one of the hardest things in life to bounce back from. 306 00:13:42,407 --> 00:13:44,409 The awkwardness is suffocating. 307 00:13:46,912 --> 00:13:49,289 And for Sid and I, we thought it might be the end of us. 308 00:13:50,916 --> 00:13:53,668 But then, one day, I was at a bookstore, 309 00:13:53,668 --> 00:13:56,004 and I saw the answer right there in front of me. 310 00:13:57,380 --> 00:14:01,551 Joe Pesci's 101 New York Musts. 311 00:14:02,260 --> 00:14:05,430 Sid and I did every single dumb activity in that book. 312 00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:08,225 And bit by bit, memory by memory, 313 00:14:08,225 --> 00:14:11,269 we buried the shower fiasco deeper and deeper 314 00:14:11,269 --> 00:14:13,188 into the recesses of our minds, 315 00:14:13,188 --> 00:14:15,190 until we forgot about it entirely. 316 00:14:17,025 --> 00:14:18,026 Until now. 317 00:14:19,110 --> 00:14:20,612 We need that book. 318 00:14:20,612 --> 00:14:23,448 Charlie! You've been ignoring me all night. 319 00:14:24,032 --> 00:14:26,034 Right. And that will stop... 320 00:14:26,993 --> 00:14:28,286 right after I go and do a series 321 00:14:28,286 --> 00:14:30,330 of Joe Pesci-approved activities with my roommate. 322 00:14:30,330 --> 00:14:31,373 Okay. 323 00:14:33,083 --> 00:14:34,417 Alright, I'm out. 324 00:14:34,417 --> 00:14:37,337 Tell Charlie to find a new farmer. He'll know what that means. 325 00:14:37,337 --> 00:14:39,839 Wait. Before you go... 326 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:42,884 can I tell you about something that happened to me? 327 00:14:44,636 --> 00:14:45,679 No. 328 00:14:49,182 --> 00:14:50,267 Hey. 329 00:14:50,267 --> 00:14:53,436 You can't seriously be considering marrying Swish, right? 330 00:14:53,436 --> 00:14:55,021 You don't love him. 331 00:14:55,564 --> 00:14:59,234 No, I don't love him. But, like, I love him! 332 00:14:59,234 --> 00:15:01,486 And my parents made some good points. 333 00:15:01,486 --> 00:15:03,989 He's an amazing man that's obsessed with me. 334 00:15:03,989 --> 00:15:05,824 Why should I be running away from that? 335 00:15:05,824 --> 00:15:07,826 What about Charlie? 336 00:15:07,826 --> 00:15:09,828 Because I thought that he was your endgame. 337 00:15:11,830 --> 00:15:14,291 So did I, but maybe I was wrong. 338 00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:17,377 Babe, come here! I drew that bird that you dreamed about. 339 00:15:17,377 --> 00:15:18,503 Ooh! 340 00:15:29,973 --> 00:15:31,141 Hey! 341 00:15:31,516 --> 00:15:32,934 What are you guys doing out here? 342 00:15:33,476 --> 00:15:35,478 Sophie put us on a timeout. 343 00:15:36,104 --> 00:15:38,982 I'm Sid, by the way. Uh, we haven't really met, 344 00:15:38,982 --> 00:15:41,484 but Sophie has a picture of you guys as her lock screen. 345 00:15:41,484 --> 00:15:42,694 That's troubling. 346 00:15:42,694 --> 00:15:46,114 Yeah. I thought so, too. Um... 347 00:15:46,114 --> 00:15:48,700 Anyway, I heard you guys are, like, the perfect couple, 348 00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:49,910 and I was just wondering 349 00:15:49,910 --> 00:15:52,537 if you guys could give me some relationship advice. 350 00:15:52,537 --> 00:15:53,997 Of course. 351 00:15:54,539 --> 00:15:56,207 See, Babe? A podcast 352 00:15:56,207 --> 00:15:58,752 where we give relationship advice to normals would kill. 353 00:15:58,752 --> 00:15:59,836 Ah... 354 00:16:01,129 --> 00:16:04,132 Have you guys ever wanted totally opposite things, 355 00:16:04,132 --> 00:16:06,343 where only one of you could get your way? 356 00:16:06,343 --> 00:16:07,636 Yes. 357 00:16:07,636 --> 00:16:09,429 Years ago, I wanted to see the Spider-Man 358 00:16:09,429 --> 00:16:10,829 where he's that little British boy. 359 00:16:11,473 --> 00:16:13,975 Juan wanted to see Cats instead, so we did. 360 00:16:14,893 --> 00:16:15,894 Awful. 361 00:16:15,894 --> 00:16:17,896 I still carry guilt over that. 362 00:16:18,772 --> 00:16:20,232 Don't be too hard on yourself. 363 00:16:20,232 --> 00:16:22,525 The Cats you imagined was beautiful. 364 00:16:22,525 --> 00:16:24,527 Okay, yeah. 365 00:16:24,527 --> 00:16:26,780 You guys are probably not the people to talk to about this. 366 00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:28,782 No, wait. Hey. Hold on. Um... 367 00:16:29,574 --> 00:16:31,284 There is one other thing. 368 00:16:32,619 --> 00:16:34,663 I always wanted to have more children, 369 00:16:34,663 --> 00:16:36,414 and she wanted just the one. 370 00:16:37,082 --> 00:16:40,877 That's a big one. How'd you guys figure it out? 371 00:16:43,129 --> 00:16:45,131 Sometimes, there's no right answer. 372 00:16:46,174 --> 00:16:48,510 There's just your answer, or hers. 373 00:16:49,761 --> 00:16:51,221 I chose hers. 374 00:16:56,393 --> 00:16:58,395 Can I show you something I found? 375 00:16:58,895 --> 00:17:02,107 Sid, if this is another hamster apology card, 376 00:17:02,107 --> 00:17:05,068 I will watch it and enjoy it, but I will still be mad at you. 377 00:17:05,068 --> 00:17:07,487 No, this is, uh, 378 00:17:07,487 --> 00:17:10,740 from the night we got engaged. I never showed it to you. 379 00:17:13,743 --> 00:17:17,205 Hey! So, we just got back from the airport. 380 00:17:17,205 --> 00:17:19,708 Um, I wanted to document this night together, 381 00:17:19,708 --> 00:17:22,168 but you had to go be a badass surgeon. 382 00:17:22,168 --> 00:17:24,796 So, uh, it's just me now. 383 00:17:25,213 --> 00:17:27,215 Those people from the Uber are still here! 384 00:17:28,008 --> 00:17:30,051 They seem fun. We're drinking. 385 00:17:30,051 --> 00:17:33,305 Also, you were totally right. Jesse has a huge thing for the blonde. 386 00:17:40,770 --> 00:17:42,272 Anyway, uh... 387 00:17:42,272 --> 00:17:44,399 Hey. I'm sad you had to go, 388 00:17:44,399 --> 00:17:46,651 but I really meant what I said earlier. 389 00:17:46,651 --> 00:17:48,570 Like, we can make it through anything together. 390 00:17:49,237 --> 00:17:50,572 Whatever it takes. 391 00:17:53,199 --> 00:17:56,494 It's time I started living up to that promise again. 392 00:17:56,494 --> 00:17:59,998 So, Hannah, I am officially open to LA. 393 00:18:01,541 --> 00:18:03,919 Gonna try and imagine what it's like to, you know, 394 00:18:04,628 --> 00:18:05,670 live there. 395 00:18:06,296 --> 00:18:08,048 - Really? - Yeah. 396 00:18:08,048 --> 00:18:10,368 I mean, if you love it so much, it's gotta be worth loving. 397 00:18:15,931 --> 00:18:17,265 Mm... Yeah. 398 00:18:33,198 --> 00:18:34,950 Whatever this is, make it quick. 399 00:18:34,950 --> 00:18:37,202 Swish is on me about what our wedding colors are gonna be. 400 00:18:37,202 --> 00:18:38,703 Okay, just gimme 30 seconds. 401 00:18:40,163 --> 00:18:42,082 - Mm. - Okay, say something. I'm recording. 402 00:18:42,082 --> 00:18:44,876 Um, a huge congratulations 403 00:18:44,876 --> 00:18:46,253 to Hannah and Sid! 404 00:18:46,253 --> 00:18:47,546 It is Hannah and Sid, isn't it? 405 00:18:47,546 --> 00:18:50,090 I'm not sure, but you already said it, so just push through. 406 00:18:50,090 --> 00:18:52,175 Um, well, we've only just met you, 407 00:18:52,175 --> 00:18:55,053 but we are truly very happy for you. 408 00:18:55,053 --> 00:18:58,515 You are clearly in love, and I know how good that feels. 409 00:18:59,015 --> 00:19:00,016 Wait, what? 410 00:19:00,016 --> 00:19:01,851 You love me? 411 00:19:01,851 --> 00:19:04,271 No. No, I was talking about somebody else. 412 00:19:04,271 --> 00:19:06,591 - You don't actually know them. - Oh, is that right? 413 00:19:07,899 --> 00:19:09,109 What about the video? 414 00:19:09,109 --> 00:19:11,111 Mm, who cares? We're never gonna see it again. 415 00:19:13,113 --> 00:19:15,198 Maybe you're right. 416 00:19:15,198 --> 00:19:17,909 Maybe Charlie is not your end game. 417 00:19:18,743 --> 00:19:21,288 But, for a while, you loved him, Val. 418 00:19:21,288 --> 00:19:23,790 You really, really loved him. 419 00:19:23,790 --> 00:19:26,084 And if you think that you can find that kind of love 420 00:19:26,084 --> 00:19:28,587 with Swish, then I say go for it. 421 00:19:28,587 --> 00:19:30,088 But if you can't? 422 00:19:30,755 --> 00:19:33,758 Go find it. Okay? 423 00:19:33,758 --> 00:19:36,177 Whether that's with Charlie or with someone else. 424 00:19:40,348 --> 00:19:41,850 No, you're right. 425 00:19:44,060 --> 00:19:46,062 I'll hold out for true love. 426 00:19:47,355 --> 00:19:49,024 God, thanks a lot, you asshole. 427 00:19:54,112 --> 00:19:56,907 She broke Swish's heart that night. 428 00:20:07,459 --> 00:20:09,794 But he got happily married weeks later! 429 00:20:10,587 --> 00:20:11,796 He owns an island now. 430 00:20:13,924 --> 00:20:17,177 Didn't even have to pay for it. The US government was just like, 431 00:20:17,177 --> 00:20:19,179 "Here!" 432 00:20:19,179 --> 00:20:21,681 Sorry. So sorry. 433 00:20:21,681 --> 00:20:22,974 Sorry. 434 00:20:24,392 --> 00:20:25,560 Look after him, Doink. 435 00:20:28,021 --> 00:20:29,814 We were trying to help. 436 00:20:29,814 --> 00:20:32,734 I know. You want me to find true love, 437 00:20:32,734 --> 00:20:33,735 and I will. 438 00:20:33,735 --> 00:20:36,238 I wanted you to marry literally Swish. 439 00:20:38,114 --> 00:20:40,659 He'll get over it. Just give him some time, huh? 440 00:20:44,746 --> 00:20:46,039 How do you feel? 441 00:20:47,123 --> 00:20:49,626 Guilty. Humiliated. 442 00:20:49,626 --> 00:20:50,585 And? 443 00:20:51,628 --> 00:20:53,255 Single! 444 00:20:54,339 --> 00:20:55,257 We did it! 445 00:21:04,683 --> 00:21:07,143 We can look at each other in the eye again. Watch. 446 00:21:08,061 --> 00:21:09,062 Huh? 447 00:21:09,062 --> 00:21:12,315 That book... Jesse, why does that book look familiar? 448 00:21:15,986 --> 00:21:17,862 Sid, we gotta go to Times Square right now. 449 00:21:17,862 --> 00:21:18,762 Okay.