1 00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:32,366 Okay, so, what did he say? 2 00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:37,747 That he was coming to town for a meeting and asked me to go to dinner Thursday. 3 00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:39,540 Oh, my God, oh, my God! 4 00:00:39,624 --> 00:00:42,210 Thursday?! It's Valentine's Day! 5 00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:45,755 He asked you to dinner on Valentine's Day! 6 00:00:45,838 --> 00:00:48,132 No, he probably doesn't even know it's Valentine's Day. 7 00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:50,718 Well, if he doesn't know that it's Valentine's Day, 8 00:00:50,802 --> 00:00:52,345 then he's not in a relationship. 9 00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:54,972 I don't think Carrie wants to hear the inner machinations... 10 00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:57,683 Well, wait, wait, wait. Not so fast. 11 00:00:58,142 --> 00:01:00,645 - How so? - A girlfriend would be letting him know. 12 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:03,689 So, the way I see it, either "A," he knows 13 00:01:03,773 --> 00:01:06,442 and he has asked you to dinner on Valentine's Day, 14 00:01:06,526 --> 00:01:10,154 or "B," he doesn't know, and he doesn't have a girlfriend. 15 00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:11,697 I think he doesn't know. 16 00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:13,759 And therefore, doesn't have a girlfriend? 17 00:01:13,783 --> 00:01:17,328 Possibly. I mean, why else would he be asking me to dinner? 18 00:01:17,412 --> 00:01:18,746 And full disclosure, 19 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:24,877 yeah, I knew it was Valentine's Day when I wrote back "yes" to his email. 20 00:01:24,961 --> 00:01:28,965 So, what about you? What are your plans for Valentine's Day? 21 00:01:29,048 --> 00:01:32,802 - Any new ladies on the horizon? - No. 22 00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:35,221 And why do you assume only ladies on the horizon? 23 00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:37,390 Should we not be assuming only ladies? 24 00:01:37,473 --> 00:01:39,391 Honestly, I have no idea. 25 00:01:39,475 --> 00:01:42,186 It was Che that I was drawn to, and they're non-binary. 26 00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:43,813 It's not like I was married to Steve 27 00:01:43,896 --> 00:01:47,567 and fantasizing about Brady's friend Drew's hot mom. 28 00:01:47,650 --> 00:01:49,777 But ya pulled that name up pretty quickly. 29 00:01:49,861 --> 00:01:52,238 Well, she's clearly hot. Everyone knows that. 30 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:55,575 - Is she single? - You don't even know if she's gay. 31 00:01:55,658 --> 00:01:57,618 You don't even know if you're gay. 32 00:01:57,701 --> 00:02:00,955 And as your very good friend for over 25 years, 33 00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:04,542 I just think you should figure it out, so that you can find love again. 34 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,377 You're like Cupid on steroids. 35 00:02:07,462 --> 00:02:11,424 So, we were thinking on Thursday, we could get together for a few cocktails. 36 00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:15,344 Yeah, we haven't had a night out, just the three of us, in forever. 37 00:02:15,428 --> 00:02:16,804 Doesn't that sound fun? 38 00:02:16,888 --> 00:02:18,782 Actually, it sounds more like my married girlfriends 39 00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:21,100 are worried I'm alone on my first Valentine's Day 40 00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:22,852 since my Andre breakup. 41 00:02:22,935 --> 00:02:25,021 - I'll pay for the drinks. - I'm fine. 42 00:02:25,104 --> 00:02:27,523 I have the perfect evening planned. 43 00:02:27,607 --> 00:02:32,320 I'm gonna stay at home and make myself a chocolate souffle. 44 00:02:32,403 --> 00:02:34,405 I'm having a "me-vening." 45 00:02:34,781 --> 00:02:37,909 - A "me-vening"? - Fine. We'll come to Brooklyn. 46 00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:41,496 - No! You're stuck with your husbands. - Fuck. 47 00:02:41,579 --> 00:02:44,832 So, we don't think we should have to wear these uniforms in winter. 48 00:02:44,916 --> 00:02:48,169 You don't think the waitresses at Hooters wear puffy coats, do ya? 49 00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:50,213 Good meeting. Back to the bread. 50 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:56,469 Hotfellas Bakery. Yes, this is he. 51 00:02:57,053 --> 00:02:59,680 She did? She did? 52 00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:02,016 She does? 53 00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:05,853 Yes, we can talk details on a follow-up call. 54 00:03:05,937 --> 00:03:07,146 Thank you! 55 00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,734 Drew Barrymore loved the bread basket I sent over 56 00:03:11,818 --> 00:03:14,963 and she thinks it would be fun to have me and a Hotfella on for Valentine's Day! 57 00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:16,614 Which one of you delivered the basket? 58 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:17,698 Me. 59 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,910 That better be insulin. 60 00:03:20,993 --> 00:03:23,413 It's H.G.H. My calves are under-performing. 61 00:03:23,496 --> 00:03:25,122 I mean, look at these guys. 62 00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:28,376 Nope. This isn't the Moscow Olympics. 63 00:03:28,459 --> 00:03:30,920 I run a clean business. Hang up your onesie and go. 64 00:03:32,839 --> 00:03:35,133 - You serious? - It's a morning show. 65 00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:38,261 Orange juice and juice-heads do not go together. 66 00:03:38,344 --> 00:03:42,098 Hey, just to be clear no one doing human growth hormone 67 00:03:42,181 --> 00:03:44,016 can be a Hotfella. 68 00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,769 - Fuck it then. Yeah. - Okay. 69 00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:48,521 I'm goin' to the gym. 70 00:03:49,814 --> 00:03:51,399 Leave the uniforms! 71 00:03:59,699 --> 00:04:03,077 - Rock is really somethin' of a celebrity? - I know, it's crazy! 72 00:04:03,161 --> 00:04:06,748 Just the one Ralph Lauren campaign and already we have interest 73 00:04:06,831 --> 00:04:09,083 from all three top modeling agencies. 74 00:04:09,167 --> 00:04:13,671 And the Instagram I made for them already has 3,000 followers. 75 00:04:13,755 --> 00:04:17,884 It took me a year to get half that many for Richard Burton. 76 00:04:18,468 --> 00:04:23,014 Have you seen Mr. Burton's latest "countdown to V-Day" post? 77 00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:26,517 - No, sorry. I'm behind. - That's okay, no worries. 78 00:04:26,601 --> 00:04:27,852 I can show it to you. 79 00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:30,980 Look! 80 00:04:31,064 --> 00:04:32,356 Look. 81 00:04:38,738 --> 00:04:41,783 - Can the girl not stand up on her own? - Who? 82 00:04:41,866 --> 00:04:46,037 Herbert Jr.'s girlfriend, Baxter. She's always hangin' all over him. 83 00:04:48,915 --> 00:04:52,085 Oh, hell no. It's a schoolyard, and it's 3:30! 84 00:04:52,835 --> 00:04:54,045 Hi! 85 00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:56,714 Mom, I didn't know you were still here. 86 00:04:56,798 --> 00:04:59,092 I'm here. And so are all these other people. 87 00:04:59,175 --> 00:05:00,927 As well as the scouts from Harvard. 88 00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:04,138 - We're all here. - Hi, Mrs. Wexley. I love your purse. 89 00:05:04,222 --> 00:05:06,432 Thank you, Baxter. I love it, too. 90 00:05:06,516 --> 00:05:09,227 Because it has a strap, and my hand is free 91 00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:12,021 to not hold it all the time in public. 92 00:05:12,105 --> 00:05:13,398 Mommy! 93 00:05:14,190 --> 00:05:17,985 Hi, baby. Seriously, it's 3:30. 94 00:05:36,546 --> 00:05:37,964 That was so good. 95 00:05:40,967 --> 00:05:42,844 Hey, I have a question to ask you 96 00:05:42,927 --> 00:05:45,304 but I didn't wanna put us off our cheeseburgers. 97 00:05:45,388 --> 00:05:48,599 - What is it? - Is Miranda ghosting me? 98 00:05:49,142 --> 00:05:53,187 - Define "ghosting." - Okay. That's a big yes. 99 00:05:53,271 --> 00:05:55,732 Bummer. I thought we ended pretty well. 100 00:05:55,815 --> 00:05:59,610 Well, she didn't say anything, but that is kind of her M.O. 101 00:05:59,694 --> 00:06:02,280 You know, with her exes. You know, if things don't... 102 00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:06,909 Something doesn't work out for her, she gets very introspective... 103 00:06:06,993 --> 00:06:08,745 Carrie, I really appreciate the info, 104 00:06:08,828 --> 00:06:11,205 but I don't need to hear a Ted Talk on Miranda. 105 00:06:11,289 --> 00:06:13,875 Okay, good, 'cause I really don't wanna give one. 106 00:06:14,709 --> 00:06:15,793 No, I was asking 107 00:06:15,877 --> 00:06:18,046 because she left a box of her shit at my apartment. 108 00:06:18,796 --> 00:06:22,133 And I need to clear it out to Airbnb it, so. 109 00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:24,469 Wait, you're, you're Airbnb-ing? 110 00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:27,138 Yeah, I have to. No real cash comin' in. 111 00:06:29,891 --> 00:06:31,392 Oh, my God. I thought it was a rat. 112 00:06:31,476 --> 00:06:33,936 Hey! Hey, buddy. 113 00:06:34,020 --> 00:06:35,063 Come here. Come here. 114 00:06:35,146 --> 00:06:36,981 - Come on. - Che, Che, Che, Che. 115 00:06:37,065 --> 00:06:39,901 Che, che, you can't go around just touching random animals. 116 00:06:39,984 --> 00:06:41,694 Yeah, it's okay. I used to do this. 117 00:06:41,778 --> 00:06:42,945 - Used to do what? - Hey. 118 00:06:43,029 --> 00:06:46,032 There you go, Mr. Sprinkles. 119 00:06:46,741 --> 00:06:49,118 Hey, there she is. 120 00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:52,955 I thought I told your ass not to bring me any more charity cases. 121 00:06:53,039 --> 00:06:55,208 But this one is so cute! 122 00:06:55,291 --> 00:06:57,293 Look at her cute, little paws! 123 00:06:57,377 --> 00:06:59,480 You got some of your Hollywood money to patch up what's wrong 124 00:06:59,504 --> 00:07:02,066 - with little miss cutie paws? - Hollywood broke up with me, Judy. 125 00:07:02,090 --> 00:07:03,257 I think you'll survive. 126 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,635 I was talkin' to the dog, not you. 127 00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:07,929 Let me have a look. 128 00:07:08,721 --> 00:07:10,264 I found her three blocks from here. 129 00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:13,309 You picked the wrong one, sweetie. 130 00:07:13,393 --> 00:07:15,937 Next time, you need to limp your pathetic ass 131 00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:17,397 through a better neighborhood. 132 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:20,775 "Awoof. Why couldn't a rich white lady pick me up?" 133 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:25,196 "Instead of some busted, broke-ass stand-up comic. 134 00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:27,198 Awooo." 135 00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:29,700 Thank you. 136 00:07:30,118 --> 00:07:32,912 - You're the best. - Shut up before I change my mind. 137 00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:38,584 Hey, if you're really broke, I never cleaned out your locker. 138 00:07:39,377 --> 00:07:41,671 Not 'cause I'm sentimental, 'cause I'm lazy. 139 00:07:41,754 --> 00:07:43,131 Full-time? With benefits? 140 00:07:43,214 --> 00:07:46,884 Full-time, plus whatever it costs to patch up this damn dog. 141 00:07:47,427 --> 00:07:49,429 Dr. Fisher and I could use some extra hands. 142 00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:53,599 And I can always use a laugh. Know anyone who's funny? 143 00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:55,393 No. 144 00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:03,860 Oh, my God! Look at this place! 145 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,696 February also happens to be Black History Month 146 00:08:06,779 --> 00:08:09,615 but all we ever get are two shelves and a table. 147 00:08:10,032 --> 00:08:13,202 And there is it. Two shelves, and the table. 148 00:08:13,286 --> 00:08:14,495 Yep. 149 00:08:17,123 --> 00:08:19,125 - Oh, my God. - Am I a lesbian? 150 00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:22,420 Is that a new children's book? 151 00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:24,047 Seriously. 152 00:08:24,464 --> 00:08:28,342 I don't even know what LGBTQIA dating sites to go on. 153 00:08:28,426 --> 00:08:31,137 It's like a cruise ship buffet of choices. 154 00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:35,725 Lesbian, bisexual, cis couples seeking bisexuals. 155 00:08:35,808 --> 00:08:38,602 The only two categories I can comfortably rule out 156 00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:42,273 are Black People Meet and GayDaddy.com. 157 00:08:44,901 --> 00:08:46,694 Well, as I tell my students 158 00:08:46,778 --> 00:08:49,030 - when they are doing their papers. - Yeah. 159 00:08:49,113 --> 00:08:54,202 Explore the topic, do the research, cite the examples. 160 00:08:55,328 --> 00:08:58,456 - I only have one example. - Okay, well, then you're gettin' an F. 161 00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:01,667 You're right. I'm like one of those floundering students 162 00:09:01,751 --> 00:09:03,669 that doesn't even know what major to declare. 163 00:09:03,753 --> 00:09:05,380 Yeah, well, I know what I'm looking for. 164 00:09:05,463 --> 00:09:07,965 And that's a souffle cookbook that doesn't intimidate. 165 00:09:08,049 --> 00:09:09,509 - I'll be right back. - Okay. 166 00:09:10,468 --> 00:09:13,262 "He came towards her in an agitated manner... 167 00:09:13,346 --> 00:09:15,765 "and thus began. 168 00:09:16,224 --> 00:09:19,227 "In vain have I struggled. 169 00:09:19,936 --> 00:09:21,562 "It will not do. 170 00:09:22,438 --> 00:09:25,691 "My feelings will not be repressed. 171 00:09:25,775 --> 00:09:29,404 “You must allow me to tell you how ardently 172 00:09:29,487 --> 00:09:32,907 "I admire and love you. 173 00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:37,954 "Elizabeth's astonishment was beyond expression. 174 00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:44,001 She stared, colored, doubted, and was silent." 175 00:09:48,381 --> 00:09:51,884 Excuse me, Amelia. I love the way you read. 176 00:09:51,968 --> 00:09:54,554 I listened to the entire Jane Austen audiobook series 177 00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:59,726 that you recorded, and I was listening to you read just now inside. 178 00:09:59,809 --> 00:10:01,227 Yes, I noticed you. 179 00:10:01,811 --> 00:10:04,230 - You, you noticed me? - Right away. 180 00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:07,400 There's something so alluring about a beautiful woman... 181 00:10:07,483 --> 00:10:10,069 not wearing a hat from the Regency period. 182 00:10:10,153 --> 00:10:15,116 I'm a total "Austen-head," but not to that hat-frenzy level. 183 00:10:15,533 --> 00:10:19,912 Anyway, I, I used to run listening to her, 184 00:10:19,996 --> 00:10:22,206 listening to you, reading her. 185 00:10:22,290 --> 00:10:25,877 You ran to period prose instead of say, Bruno Mars? 186 00:10:26,169 --> 00:10:30,923 The miles just flew by and when I needed to push, 187 00:10:31,007 --> 00:10:32,300 you really got me going. 188 00:10:33,468 --> 00:10:36,179 I got ya going? I like the sound of that. 189 00:10:37,138 --> 00:10:38,890 So, you know my name. 190 00:10:39,474 --> 00:10:41,184 What's yours? 191 00:10:41,267 --> 00:10:44,395 - I'm Miranda. - Miranda. 192 00:10:44,479 --> 00:10:46,272 Prospero's daughter in "The Tempest." 193 00:10:46,355 --> 00:10:49,233 Yes, but in Brooklyn, in the cold. 194 00:10:52,361 --> 00:10:54,048 I don't know if what I'm gonna say is appropriate, 195 00:10:54,072 --> 00:10:56,491 so forgive me if it's not, but... 196 00:10:57,116 --> 00:10:58,201 Miranda, 197 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,537 you've really got me going as well. 198 00:11:01,621 --> 00:11:03,247 It's appropriate. 199 00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:07,668 So, I asked her out for Thursday night, 200 00:11:07,752 --> 00:11:09,962 but with that voice, I almost jumped her 201 00:11:10,046 --> 00:11:12,006 right then and there in front of the bookstore. 202 00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:14,759 - It is on! - "It's on"? 203 00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:18,012 Maybe you should check the manual 204 00:11:18,096 --> 00:11:21,682 and make sure that that's a lesbian-approved phrase. 205 00:11:21,766 --> 00:11:26,646 Ya know, I've always been sort of turned on by those Jane Austen audiobooks, 206 00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:30,191 and I thought it was the words, but maybe it was really Amelia Carsey. 207 00:11:31,150 --> 00:11:33,111 No, seriously, her name's Carsey? 208 00:11:33,194 --> 00:11:35,988 Is Ms. Carsey your Mr. Darcy? 209 00:11:37,532 --> 00:11:41,202 God, I hope not! I don't want years of torment, 210 00:11:41,285 --> 00:11:43,955 I just want one night of great sex. 211 00:11:44,038 --> 00:11:46,874 So, you have Great Sexpectations? 212 00:11:47,542 --> 00:11:51,212 I know that's Dickens, but I can't pun "Mansfield Park." 213 00:11:51,295 --> 00:11:54,757 Carrie, I was like a whole new me. 214 00:11:54,841 --> 00:11:59,846 I saw her, I wanted her, I went for it. And I got her! 215 00:12:00,972 --> 00:12:05,309 So, now I know. Strong, sexy, women are my thing. 216 00:12:05,393 --> 00:12:06,769 I'm done with Dickens. 217 00:12:07,812 --> 00:12:11,190 Look at us! We both have hot dates for Valentine's Day! 218 00:12:11,274 --> 00:12:14,235 And we are 56 years old! 219 00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:17,780 Lesbian Miranda's a lot. 220 00:12:23,953 --> 00:12:24,954 You're asleep? 221 00:12:25,496 --> 00:12:27,373 Well, not anymore. 222 00:12:27,457 --> 00:12:29,125 Honey, it's 4:30! 223 00:12:29,208 --> 00:12:30,668 Don't nap-shame me. 224 00:12:31,127 --> 00:12:33,171 I just needed to close my eyes for a few minutes. 225 00:12:33,254 --> 00:12:37,341 Okay, well, please go on OpenTable right now 226 00:12:37,425 --> 00:12:39,886 and find us a place to have dinner on Valentine's Day. 227 00:12:40,386 --> 00:12:41,888 That's the worst night of the year. 228 00:12:41,971 --> 00:12:43,681 What a lovely sentiment. 229 00:12:43,765 --> 00:12:45,349 You know what I mean. 230 00:12:45,433 --> 00:12:48,269 They gouge you with those Valentine's night prices. 231 00:12:48,352 --> 00:12:51,773 Two years ago, we dropped 500 bucks on a steak, wine, and mousse, 232 00:12:51,856 --> 00:12:53,107 and we vowed "never again." 233 00:12:53,191 --> 00:12:56,319 Well, Lily is having an "F the boys" dinner party, 234 00:12:56,402 --> 00:12:59,572 and told me that we can't be here, so start looking. 235 00:12:59,655 --> 00:13:02,325 Sounds like an "F the parents" dinner party to me. 236 00:13:02,408 --> 00:13:06,162 Blake broke up with her two weeks before Valentine's Day. 237 00:13:06,245 --> 00:13:09,248 So if she wants to have an "F the boys" 238 00:13:09,332 --> 00:13:12,043 girls night with the cool girls from school, 239 00:13:12,126 --> 00:13:13,669 then I'm like, "F us." 240 00:13:13,753 --> 00:13:16,881 Since when do you care so much about her and the cool girls from school? 241 00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:19,842 Since those mean seniors made fun of her original music. 242 00:13:20,676 --> 00:13:23,471 I saw that one comin'. A song called "The Power of Privilege" 243 00:13:23,554 --> 00:13:25,765 practically has a "kick me" sign on its back. 244 00:13:27,558 --> 00:13:29,977 Every place is booked. 245 00:13:30,603 --> 00:13:33,689 Wait, wait, wait. I see a 5:30 at Gotham downtown. 246 00:13:33,773 --> 00:13:35,358 Oh, no, that's too early. 247 00:13:35,441 --> 00:13:37,693 I've gotta take Rock on all those agency meetings. 248 00:13:37,777 --> 00:13:41,030 - Keep looking. - I think we should take that 5:30. 249 00:13:41,114 --> 00:13:42,740 Every place is gonna be the same. 250 00:13:42,824 --> 00:13:44,784 Okay, I'll make it work. 251 00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:52,708 Well, I just got us a table at Monkey Bar on Thursday night. 252 00:13:52,792 --> 00:13:53,835 No! 253 00:13:53,918 --> 00:13:55,158 - Yes. - They're totally booked. 254 00:13:55,211 --> 00:13:57,088 How much money did you have to throw around? 255 00:13:57,171 --> 00:14:00,299 Let's just say that Henry is no longer goin' to college 256 00:14:00,383 --> 00:14:02,885 and neither is Gabby. 257 00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:05,430 Mom and Dad, good news. 258 00:14:05,513 --> 00:14:07,765 Whatever it is, we got no cash. 259 00:14:07,849 --> 00:14:09,434 No, but listen, all right? 260 00:14:09,517 --> 00:14:11,185 Baxter's mom and dad got us a suite 261 00:14:11,269 --> 00:14:14,313 at the Mandarin Oriental for Valentine's Day. 262 00:14:14,397 --> 00:14:16,274 - No, they didn't. - Yeah, Mom, they did. 263 00:14:16,357 --> 00:14:17,876 Here, let me show you the text Baxter sent. 264 00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:19,086 No, I don't think you understand. 265 00:14:19,110 --> 00:14:23,489 I said, "No, they did not," because you are not going. 266 00:14:23,573 --> 00:14:24,907 We can't even talk about it? 267 00:14:24,991 --> 00:14:27,243 We just did. That's not happenin'. 268 00:14:29,954 --> 00:14:32,457 - You embarrassed me at school, Mom. - No, 269 00:14:32,540 --> 00:14:33,916 you embarrassed yourself. 270 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,920 No, Dad, she totally called me out in front of Baxter and, like, everyone. 271 00:14:36,961 --> 00:14:40,131 Your son's girlfriend practically had her hand 272 00:14:40,214 --> 00:14:42,884 down his pants in public! 273 00:14:42,967 --> 00:14:44,403 Is it too late for me not to be here? 274 00:14:44,427 --> 00:14:46,012 No, her hand was on my belt, Mom. 275 00:14:46,095 --> 00:14:47,722 - Why are you so uptight? - Hey. 276 00:14:47,805 --> 00:14:50,141 Seriously, why can't we go to the Mandarin? 277 00:14:50,224 --> 00:14:52,143 Now we have nowhere to hang for Valentine's Day! 278 00:14:52,226 --> 00:14:55,229 Why don't you hang here? You'll have the place to yourselves. 279 00:14:55,313 --> 00:14:56,540 Your mother and I are goin' to dinner 280 00:14:56,564 --> 00:14:58,608 and your brother and sister have sleepovers. 281 00:14:58,691 --> 00:14:59,859 Fine. 282 00:15:02,028 --> 00:15:03,488 No, call him back. 283 00:15:03,571 --> 00:15:07,033 Because you forgot to tell him that it was okay to fuck in our bed. 284 00:15:07,617 --> 00:15:10,578 'Cause that's happening. This girl has no boundaries. 285 00:15:10,661 --> 00:15:12,914 They are not gonna have sex in our bed. 286 00:15:12,997 --> 00:15:15,374 His? Definitely. But not ours. 287 00:15:15,458 --> 00:15:18,378 And this is not about me being uptight about him having sex. 288 00:15:18,461 --> 00:15:20,546 I was totally fine with his last girlfriend. 289 00:15:20,630 --> 00:15:22,632 It's just this one. 290 00:15:22,715 --> 00:15:25,051 She acts like he's her property or something. 291 00:15:25,134 --> 00:15:28,554 Well, he is not her property and he's not your property. 292 00:15:29,389 --> 00:15:30,390 Right? 293 00:15:34,894 --> 00:15:38,231 Okay, well, I'm gonna take that as a "yes." 294 00:15:42,026 --> 00:15:44,404 Drew Barrymore is tomorrow and I don't have a Hotfella. 295 00:15:44,487 --> 00:15:45,780 Wait, I'm confused. 296 00:15:45,863 --> 00:15:48,032 Don't you have Hotfellas that didn't walk out? 297 00:15:48,116 --> 00:15:51,035 Yeah, but they're all porn-star hot, not morning-mom hot. 298 00:15:51,119 --> 00:15:53,162 What is morning-mom hot? 299 00:15:53,246 --> 00:15:56,666 Look, the show's audience is moms folding laundry at home. 300 00:15:56,749 --> 00:16:00,253 They need romance, fantasy. It's more "kiss me" than "fist me." 301 00:16:00,545 --> 00:16:02,964 Anthony, I am in a card store! 302 00:16:03,047 --> 00:16:05,717 I can't go on the show alone. They want a Hotfella 303 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,635 wearing the Hotfellas uniform. 304 00:16:07,719 --> 00:16:09,762 I am so screwed. 305 00:16:10,888 --> 00:16:12,515 Maybe not. 306 00:16:17,937 --> 00:16:21,941 I just sent you a picture of someone here who might be able to do it. 307 00:16:22,024 --> 00:16:24,402 What? You found Romeo in a card store? 308 00:16:27,196 --> 00:16:30,158 You found fuckin' Romeo in a card store! 309 00:16:30,241 --> 00:16:33,661 Oh, my God! He's gorgeous! Char, Char! 310 00:16:34,245 --> 00:16:36,873 You have to make this happen. Tell him I'll pay anything. 311 00:16:36,956 --> 00:16:39,958 Listen, I don't think we're gonna have to go that far 312 00:16:40,043 --> 00:16:44,130 because he is selling poems in a card store for a dollar. 313 00:16:44,213 --> 00:16:46,257 For a sweet woman, you're rough sometimes. 314 00:16:47,050 --> 00:16:48,342 Good luck. Call me back. 315 00:16:48,426 --> 00:16:49,510 Okay. 316 00:16:55,183 --> 00:16:57,060 Buongiorno. Would you like a love poem? 317 00:16:57,143 --> 00:16:59,228 Is that a real Italian accent? 318 00:16:59,729 --> 00:17:01,481 Yes. Why would it not be real? 319 00:17:01,564 --> 00:17:06,151 Oh, I just thought that you were an actor just doing an accent for the job. 320 00:17:06,235 --> 00:17:08,487 No, I'm not an actor. I'm a poet. 321 00:17:08,571 --> 00:17:11,574 So, a dollar a poem? 322 00:17:12,533 --> 00:17:17,330 What if I pay you $300, but you don't have to write 300 poems. 323 00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:19,665 I would want you to do something else for that money. 324 00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:24,337 Oh, no, no. Oh, no, no. Nothing like that. 325 00:17:24,420 --> 00:17:26,381 Nothing like that. No, no. I'm married with kids. 326 00:17:26,464 --> 00:17:30,468 So was the woman who wanted to buy me a cashmere sweater this morning. 327 00:17:31,803 --> 00:17:33,763 - When are you gonna be on? - Next. 328 00:17:33,846 --> 00:17:35,056 I'm so excited, too. 329 00:17:35,139 --> 00:17:36,825 The stage manager lady just came over and said 330 00:17:36,849 --> 00:17:38,309 we'd be on the next segment. 331 00:17:38,393 --> 00:17:41,521 Giuseppe’s puttin' on the uniform now. He is perfect for Drew. 332 00:17:41,604 --> 00:17:44,440 He's sweet, sexy, nothing in your face. 333 00:17:50,947 --> 00:17:51,948 It's okay? 334 00:17:52,865 --> 00:17:55,159 Anthony? Anthony, are you there? 335 00:17:55,243 --> 00:17:57,245 Yeah, it's okay. 336 00:17:58,704 --> 00:18:00,873 Alright, and we're back, ladies and gentlemen, 337 00:18:00,957 --> 00:18:05,503 with Anthony Marantino of Hotfellas Bakery right here in New York City. 338 00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:08,256 Now, your bread is so delicious, 339 00:18:08,339 --> 00:18:10,383 but where did you come up with the fun name? 340 00:18:10,466 --> 00:18:12,969 Well, Drew, who doesn't love a Hotfella delivering hot bread? 341 00:18:13,761 --> 00:18:16,681 No one. And, actually, Anthony brought 342 00:18:16,764 --> 00:18:19,559 one of his Hotfella delivery men here, right? 343 00:18:19,642 --> 00:18:20,994 - We've got Giuseppe? - Yes, we do. 344 00:18:21,018 --> 00:18:22,353 Well, should we invite him out? 345 00:18:23,938 --> 00:18:26,190 Without further ado, please welcome Hotfella 346 00:18:26,274 --> 00:18:27,859 Giuseppe! 347 00:18:33,156 --> 00:18:36,409 Oh, my God. That is a big basket. 348 00:18:36,492 --> 00:18:37,952 It has all my bread selections. 349 00:18:38,035 --> 00:18:40,079 - Big basket. - Big basket! 350 00:18:40,163 --> 00:18:43,624 - Giuseppe. - He's adorable, isn't he? 351 00:18:44,751 --> 00:18:48,588 And, much like our audience, 352 00:18:49,464 --> 00:18:52,050 who started with a sourdough 353 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:55,553 - starter in the pandemic, so did you. - Yes, I did, 354 00:18:55,636 --> 00:18:58,097 but it got outta that Tupperware and it just kept on growing. 355 00:18:58,181 --> 00:19:00,475 Well, how big do you think it's gonna get? 356 00:19:00,558 --> 00:19:03,811 Honestly, I don't know. I'm surprised it's this big. 357 00:19:03,895 --> 00:19:05,605 I think it's gonna be huge. 358 00:19:07,899 --> 00:19:11,194 We're a hit! Hotfellas' Instagram is blowing up! 359 00:19:11,277 --> 00:19:13,905 "Hot," "Hot," "Hawt." 360 00:19:14,322 --> 00:19:15,573 "Is he gluten-free?" 361 00:19:15,656 --> 00:19:18,910 - That's cute. - Here is your uniform. Ciao. 362 00:19:18,993 --> 00:19:21,579 Wait, what do you mean "ciao"? 363 00:19:21,662 --> 00:19:23,998 I just got your Venmo, so, ciao. 364 00:19:24,082 --> 00:19:26,709 In the last hour, I got 100 bread orders, 365 00:19:26,793 --> 00:19:28,961 and they're all expecting someone "hot, hot, hawt" 366 00:19:29,045 --> 00:19:31,005 - to deliver them. - It's New York. 367 00:19:31,089 --> 00:19:33,049 There are plenty of hot, hot, hawt guys. 368 00:19:33,132 --> 00:19:35,718 Not like you. I'll pay you whatever you want. 369 00:19:35,802 --> 00:19:38,596 I'm not a prostitute. I'm a poet. 370 00:19:38,679 --> 00:19:41,516 And I'm a convict! In jail for false advertising. 371 00:19:41,599 --> 00:19:44,644 Giuseppe, please. For a week. 372 00:19:44,727 --> 00:19:47,772 Just until I get on the other side of this Valentine's Day bump. 373 00:19:47,855 --> 00:19:49,399 Then you can go poet your ass off. 374 00:19:49,482 --> 00:19:52,322 Roses are red, violets are blue, if you don't say yes, I'll kill myself. 375 00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:54,570 - That doesn't even rhyme. - Well 376 00:19:55,196 --> 00:19:56,364 you're the poet. 377 00:19:56,447 --> 00:19:58,783 - One week. - Thank you. 378 00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:00,701 Is he here? Is he still here? 379 00:20:01,452 --> 00:20:04,914 Ah, man, I'm too late. He already changed. 380 00:20:05,581 --> 00:20:06,666 Oh well. 381 00:20:07,333 --> 00:20:10,628 Oh, hey, I'm not really eating carbs, but I liked your bread. 382 00:20:10,712 --> 00:20:11,921 - Thank you. - Yeah. 383 00:20:12,672 --> 00:20:14,340 You know, it's also good in a wool pant. 384 00:20:17,510 --> 00:20:20,596 I've been, like, floating around, so looking forward to this dinner, 385 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,890 and then the minute he sent the time and the place, 386 00:20:22,974 --> 00:20:24,684 suddenly, I'm very nervous. 387 00:20:24,767 --> 00:20:26,894 Well, I'm glad you called. 388 00:20:26,978 --> 00:20:29,147 An emergency massage is precisely what my drawer 389 00:20:29,230 --> 00:20:31,607 full of spa gifts are made for. 390 00:20:31,691 --> 00:20:33,836 I don't know. What if he's different? What if I'm different? 391 00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:35,445 I've had, like, a whole life, you know? 392 00:20:35,528 --> 00:20:38,281 What if it's too much time? 393 00:20:38,364 --> 00:20:40,700 We haven't laid eyes on each other in 13 years. 394 00:20:40,783 --> 00:20:44,704 - Thirteen years. - No worries there. You look amazing. 395 00:20:44,787 --> 00:20:47,874 The big question is, how do you think he's going to look? 396 00:20:47,957 --> 00:20:50,710 Case in point, when I dated this man many years ago, 397 00:20:50,793 --> 00:20:52,670 he was a total John Kennedy. 398 00:20:52,754 --> 00:20:55,006 Bumped into him recently, late-stage Ted. 399 00:20:55,673 --> 00:20:57,800 Hello, welcome. How can I help you? 400 00:20:57,884 --> 00:21:01,596 I made an appointment for massages. Seema Patel, 2:30. 401 00:21:02,346 --> 00:21:04,515 Wonderful. One couple's massage. 402 00:21:04,599 --> 00:21:06,601 Oh, no, sorry. We're not a couple. 403 00:21:07,894 --> 00:21:10,063 Sorry. It, it says "two." 404 00:21:10,146 --> 00:21:12,565 Yes. Two people. Separate massages. 405 00:21:13,399 --> 00:21:14,734 There's been a misunderstanding. 406 00:21:14,817 --> 00:21:16,819 We're only doing couples massages today 407 00:21:16,903 --> 00:21:19,072 - because of the holiday. - What holiday? 408 00:21:19,155 --> 00:21:21,035 - Valentine's Day. - And I repeat: what holiday? 409 00:21:21,074 --> 00:21:24,744 Last I looked, it was Thursday. Banks are open, mail's being delivered. 410 00:21:24,827 --> 00:21:29,123 Well, it's just something nice we do on this day to celebrate couples. 411 00:21:29,207 --> 00:21:31,918 Why? Mm, aren't they celebrated enough? 412 00:21:32,001 --> 00:21:34,045 - Seema, I don't need a massage. - You do. 413 00:21:34,128 --> 00:21:36,047 - She does. - I have a solution. 414 00:21:36,130 --> 00:21:37,370 Can you pretend to be a couple? 415 00:21:37,423 --> 00:21:40,176 I can't. I'm too busy pretending not to be outraged. 416 00:21:40,259 --> 00:21:41,886 We are fully booked. 417 00:21:41,969 --> 00:21:44,609 How can you be fully booked? I just called, and made a reservation. 418 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:46,015 Yes, for two. 419 00:21:46,099 --> 00:21:50,478 And all of our massage spaces today are booked for two tables. 420 00:21:50,561 --> 00:21:52,897 So, where on this very expensive gift card 421 00:21:52,980 --> 00:21:55,858 does it list the blackout dates for fake holidays? 422 00:21:56,859 --> 00:21:59,904 It's just our policy, for today. 423 00:21:59,987 --> 00:22:04,409 Understood. So, do you have a date set aside where you ban couples? 424 00:22:04,492 --> 00:22:06,494 No, because single people have rights, too. 425 00:22:06,577 --> 00:22:09,622 Seema, honestly, let's just, let's just go grab a glass of wine. 426 00:22:09,705 --> 00:22:11,541 I'm already too tense. 427 00:22:11,624 --> 00:22:16,337 I really can't handle a February 14th spa insurrection. 428 00:22:16,421 --> 00:22:17,922 I'm taking this to Yelp. 429 00:22:18,715 --> 00:22:20,258 - Let's go. - Okay. 430 00:22:20,341 --> 00:22:21,342 Sorry. 431 00:22:22,009 --> 00:22:23,219 Have a seat. 432 00:22:28,891 --> 00:22:32,228 It is 1:40. Our appointment was for one o'clock. 433 00:22:32,311 --> 00:22:35,273 - This is disrespectful. - They'll get to us. 434 00:22:35,356 --> 00:22:38,317 But when? I took you out of science lab for this. 435 00:22:38,401 --> 00:22:41,112 Who do they think they are? We're not even in Manhattan. 436 00:22:41,195 --> 00:22:43,114 Yeah, this is the cool agency. 437 00:22:43,197 --> 00:22:46,451 Well, it is not cool to keep us waiting over half an hour. 438 00:22:46,534 --> 00:22:49,120 - I'm gonna say something. - You already did. 439 00:22:52,039 --> 00:22:55,960 Hi again. We need to be seen now. 440 00:22:57,587 --> 00:22:59,589 They are before you. 441 00:22:59,881 --> 00:23:04,052 Well, are they on charging stations all over the city? 442 00:23:04,135 --> 00:23:06,846 Are they in a Ralph Lauren campaign? 443 00:23:06,929 --> 00:23:07,805 Mom! 444 00:23:10,016 --> 00:23:11,726 We cannot wait any longer. 445 00:23:11,809 --> 00:23:14,312 Rock has other appointments today 446 00:23:14,395 --> 00:23:18,399 at IMG and Elite in Manhattan. 447 00:23:23,404 --> 00:23:26,032 We're gonna go. Come on! Come! 448 00:23:26,866 --> 00:23:28,910 Well, I really like the women at Elite, too, 449 00:23:28,993 --> 00:23:34,123 but since both big agencies want us, we just have a decision to make. 450 00:23:34,207 --> 00:23:37,335 - I made a decision. - Oh, really? Which one, Elite or IMG? 451 00:23:37,418 --> 00:23:39,420 Neither. I don't wanna do this anymore. 452 00:23:39,504 --> 00:23:40,922 Wait, what? 453 00:23:41,422 --> 00:23:44,258 It's not fun, and you were kinda gross today. 454 00:23:44,342 --> 00:23:45,968 Real "Dance Mom" vibes. 455 00:23:46,052 --> 00:23:47,804 I think I was hypoglycemic. 456 00:23:47,887 --> 00:23:50,431 You said I could stop modeling if I wanted to stop. 457 00:23:50,515 --> 00:23:51,682 I wanna stop. 458 00:23:51,766 --> 00:23:54,977 But what about all the time and the effort that we put into it? 459 00:23:55,061 --> 00:23:57,563 And what about your 3,000 Instagram followers? 460 00:23:57,647 --> 00:24:00,650 I have nothing to do with that. You do. 461 00:24:00,733 --> 00:24:03,611 And now you can devote more time with your other client. 462 00:24:03,694 --> 00:24:04,862 What other client? 463 00:24:05,863 --> 00:24:07,073 That one. 464 00:24:14,122 --> 00:24:17,250 Lily! That music is a little loud! 465 00:24:17,333 --> 00:24:21,170 Mom! Go! You're ruining the mood. 466 00:24:21,254 --> 00:24:23,673 - I just got home. - You said you wouldn't be here. 467 00:24:23,756 --> 00:24:27,176 Fine, fine. But look, I got you girls a Valentine's Day cake. 468 00:24:27,260 --> 00:24:30,596 We don't need it. Kara made brownies, and there's way too many as it is. 469 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,306 Now, please go! 470 00:24:36,477 --> 00:24:39,147 Mom! Go! 471 00:24:40,398 --> 00:24:42,608 Harry, we've gotta go! 472 00:24:43,109 --> 00:24:47,071 And the more I think about them, the madder I get. 473 00:24:48,531 --> 00:24:50,700 I didn't even take time for lunch today 474 00:24:50,783 --> 00:24:53,661 because I was so busy running around to all of Rock's appointments, 475 00:24:53,745 --> 00:24:57,039 and getting that surprise special cake for Lily, 476 00:24:57,123 --> 00:25:01,669 which then she basically spat on before she kicked me out of my own home. 477 00:25:01,753 --> 00:25:04,547 It's 5:45. How can seating be backed up already? 478 00:25:04,630 --> 00:25:07,967 And you don't wanna be a model, fine! 479 00:25:08,051 --> 00:25:12,805 Just do me a favor and tell me before I make the effort of getting you 480 00:25:12,889 --> 00:25:15,683 a blue checkmark on fucking Instagram! 481 00:25:15,767 --> 00:25:19,729 Honey, you gotta calm down. Gonna give yourself a heart attack. 482 00:25:21,230 --> 00:25:24,567 Harry. Harry. I feel like something's really wrong. 483 00:25:24,650 --> 00:25:27,421 You mean besides the fact that the hostess won't make eye contact with me? 484 00:25:27,445 --> 00:25:28,362 Okay, we'll text you. 485 00:25:28,446 --> 00:25:31,866 Maybe I'm having low blood sugar, but I suddenly feel really weird. 486 00:25:31,949 --> 00:25:33,451 Weird, weird how? 487 00:25:33,534 --> 00:25:36,746 Like, tingling in my face, and... Whoa. 488 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:42,043 - I can feel my blood. - What, what? 489 00:25:42,126 --> 00:25:43,920 What do you mean you can feel your blood? 490 00:25:44,003 --> 00:25:46,005 And my mouth feels really weird. 491 00:25:46,381 --> 00:25:47,924 Am I slurring my words? 492 00:25:48,007 --> 00:25:51,010 - What, like a stroke? - Oh, my God! 493 00:25:51,344 --> 00:25:53,930 - Am I having a stroke? - Okay, okay, okay. 494 00:25:54,013 --> 00:25:57,016 Here we go. Here we go. Excuse me? 495 00:25:57,100 --> 00:25:58,476 Sir, I already told you, 496 00:25:58,559 --> 00:26:00,812 - I'm doing the best... - My wife is having a stroke. 497 00:26:00,895 --> 00:26:04,482 - Do you really think that's gonna work? - Call a fucking ambulance! 498 00:26:04,565 --> 00:26:08,111 She said her face was tingling. She said she could feel her blood. 499 00:26:08,194 --> 00:26:10,738 - I could! I could! - That can't be good, right? 500 00:26:10,822 --> 00:26:12,907 Oh, boy. Okay, I'm coming, I'm coming. 501 00:26:12,990 --> 00:26:14,409 Sir, you can't ride in the back. 502 00:26:14,492 --> 00:26:17,203 - This is the love of my life! - You'll be fine up front. 503 00:26:17,286 --> 00:26:19,497 - I love you so much, Harry! - I love you, too, baby! 504 00:26:19,580 --> 00:26:21,082 Don't you leave me now! 505 00:26:21,165 --> 00:26:24,836 If I die, please let Carrie pick out what I'm buried in! 506 00:26:24,919 --> 00:26:26,337 Is she gonna die? 507 00:26:27,630 --> 00:26:28,631 I don't think so. 508 00:26:30,633 --> 00:26:33,594 Babe, what are you doing? 509 00:26:34,095 --> 00:26:36,013 I'm booby-trapping our bed. 510 00:26:37,181 --> 00:26:40,101 Because if these pillows are different when we get home, 511 00:26:40,184 --> 00:26:42,603 I'll know they were here and I'll have proof. 512 00:26:42,687 --> 00:26:43,813 Proof of what? 513 00:26:44,731 --> 00:26:45,982 That I am not uptight 514 00:26:46,065 --> 00:26:49,193 and that Baxter has some serious boundary issues. 515 00:26:49,277 --> 00:26:51,821 Okay, Lis, you do you, but that's not so much 516 00:26:51,904 --> 00:26:54,532 a booby trap as it is a booty trap. 517 00:26:54,907 --> 00:26:56,534 Exactly. 518 00:27:08,796 --> 00:27:10,465 Look at you. 519 00:27:10,548 --> 00:27:14,302 I see someone has finally declared a major in "hot mama." 520 00:27:14,385 --> 00:27:17,680 My lady just texted me to not meet her at the restaurant, 521 00:27:17,764 --> 00:27:20,058 but to come to her place for dinner instead. 522 00:27:20,141 --> 00:27:21,392 Are you okay with that? 523 00:27:21,976 --> 00:27:27,273 Oh, my God, yes! It's so refreshing. 524 00:27:27,356 --> 00:27:31,069 And, dare I say, quite scandalous. 525 00:27:32,361 --> 00:27:35,907 Okay, well, I'm outta here. 526 00:27:35,990 --> 00:27:37,575 You sure you're gonna be okay tonight? 527 00:27:37,658 --> 00:27:42,080 Me? Oh, so okay. Me and chocolate, a match made in heaven. 528 00:27:42,789 --> 00:27:44,415 You go get your A-plus in 529 00:27:44,499 --> 00:27:48,086 "Queer Sexuality and 19th Century Literature." 530 00:27:50,380 --> 00:27:51,381 Tally-ho. 531 00:28:14,529 --> 00:28:15,947 - Hi. - Buongiorno. 532 00:28:16,948 --> 00:28:21,494 A reservation for Aidan Shaw. It's a party of two, eight o'clock. 533 00:28:21,577 --> 00:28:24,789 Yes, sure. Come, come. 534 00:28:26,249 --> 00:28:27,208 This way. 535 00:28:37,468 --> 00:28:38,678 Here we go. 536 00:28:40,430 --> 00:28:42,348 Oh, okay. 537 00:28:48,312 --> 00:28:49,939 Thank you. 538 00:29:06,622 --> 00:29:08,624 There will be, there'll be two of us. 539 00:29:12,754 --> 00:29:14,172 Thank you. 540 00:29:20,261 --> 00:29:21,512 So 541 00:29:22,764 --> 00:29:25,016 - Ya didn't have a stroke. - Thank God. 542 00:29:25,099 --> 00:29:28,061 You do have a pretty significant amount of THC in your bloodstream. 543 00:29:28,144 --> 00:29:30,354 - What? - I see it more and more. 544 00:29:30,438 --> 00:29:31,874 People in your age group haven't quite learned 545 00:29:31,898 --> 00:29:34,734 how to navigate the power of a gummy. 546 00:29:34,817 --> 00:29:38,112 She doesn't do gummies. She won't even take a Tylenol PM. 547 00:29:38,196 --> 00:29:39,906 Ya gotta run some more tests. 548 00:29:39,989 --> 00:29:43,284 I know for a fact my wife is not high. 549 00:29:43,367 --> 00:29:45,369 Wait, wait, Harry. 550 00:29:45,870 --> 00:29:47,288 I might be. 551 00:29:47,371 --> 00:29:49,916 Before dinner, I ate a homemade brownie 552 00:29:49,999 --> 00:29:52,251 that one of Lily's new friends brought over. 553 00:29:52,335 --> 00:29:55,505 Oh, yeah, "space cake." Mystery solved. 554 00:29:55,588 --> 00:29:59,384 Okay, finish these fluids. I'll fill out the discharge orders, 555 00:29:59,467 --> 00:30:01,302 and you can go home and sleep it off. 556 00:30:01,386 --> 00:30:03,596 - Thanks, Doctor. - Yeah, take care. 557 00:30:04,263 --> 00:30:07,934 Well, least you're not dyin'. 558 00:30:08,017 --> 00:30:11,020 I'm gonna kill our oldest, but at least you're not dyin'. 559 00:30:11,312 --> 00:30:12,522 Honey, 560 00:30:13,523 --> 00:30:18,361 when I was in that ambulance, my life flashed in front of me, 561 00:30:18,444 --> 00:30:20,363 and I didn't like what I saw. 562 00:30:21,114 --> 00:30:24,992 I'm a "mom-ager" for Rock, a maid for Lily, 563 00:30:25,076 --> 00:30:28,037 and a pimp for Anthony? 564 00:30:28,121 --> 00:30:29,539 What happened? 565 00:30:29,622 --> 00:30:33,042 - Where am I in all this? - Honey, 566 00:30:33,126 --> 00:30:35,545 - you're here. - No. 567 00:30:36,462 --> 00:30:38,005 No, I'm not. 568 00:30:38,089 --> 00:30:39,674 I am gonna call Mark Kassabian, 569 00:30:39,757 --> 00:30:42,510 and I'm gonna ask him if the job that he offered me 570 00:30:42,593 --> 00:30:45,012 at the gallery is still available. 571 00:30:45,346 --> 00:30:47,974 I have got to get back to me. 572 00:30:48,891 --> 00:30:51,185 And it's not just the pot talking. 573 00:30:51,561 --> 00:30:52,770 Okay? 574 00:30:54,522 --> 00:30:55,732 Okay. 575 00:31:01,404 --> 00:31:03,114 Oh, my God. 576 00:31:03,197 --> 00:31:04,365 What? 577 00:31:09,454 --> 00:31:11,956 Excuse me? Excuse me? Sorry. 578 00:31:12,039 --> 00:31:14,333 I hate to be this person, 579 00:31:14,417 --> 00:31:18,755 - but my phone just died, and... - Same as mine. 580 00:31:18,838 --> 00:31:19,839 Here. 581 00:31:24,802 --> 00:31:25,720 Here. 582 00:31:30,099 --> 00:31:32,727 Thank you so much. I'm waiting for someone, 583 00:31:32,810 --> 00:31:36,981 and he's running a little late, and I ju... 584 00:31:37,940 --> 00:31:40,359 Just make sure he's on his way. 585 00:31:47,033 --> 00:31:48,242 'Scuse me. 586 00:31:50,495 --> 00:31:51,496 Thanks. 587 00:32:04,133 --> 00:32:05,718 Delicious. 588 00:32:41,796 --> 00:32:42,839 - Hi. - Hi. 589 00:32:42,922 --> 00:32:44,465 Hi, come on in. 590 00:32:44,549 --> 00:32:47,301 Thank you so much for the change of plans. 591 00:32:48,052 --> 00:32:50,596 I ran behind doing a series of drops for PBS 592 00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:52,515 and I just needed all the time I could get. 593 00:32:52,598 --> 00:32:54,267 Oh, you record right here? 594 00:32:54,350 --> 00:32:56,310 Yeah. I mean, it started during the pandemic... 595 00:32:59,021 --> 00:33:00,273 Oh, I'm sorry. You know what? 596 00:33:00,356 --> 00:33:04,110 That is usually in the shower, but Pickles is hiding in there. 597 00:33:04,193 --> 00:33:05,987 She does not like people. 598 00:33:06,654 --> 00:33:09,699 But no worries, no worries. I'll you know what? 599 00:33:09,782 --> 00:33:11,993 No worries. I'll just... I'll clean it up later. 600 00:33:15,413 --> 00:33:18,624 - Can I take your coat? - Sure. Thanks. 601 00:33:22,754 --> 00:33:23,880 Miranda. 602 00:33:25,131 --> 00:33:27,300 To quote Mrs. Bennet in "P and P": 603 00:33:28,718 --> 00:33:31,429 "How can you be so teasing?" 604 00:33:39,103 --> 00:33:40,104 Oh, I think I just... 605 00:33:40,980 --> 00:33:43,191 - What? - Yeah, I just stepped in cat poo. 606 00:33:47,945 --> 00:33:50,114 Oh, fuck. Fuck me! 607 00:33:51,616 --> 00:33:54,327 I left the sheets in the laundry room. 608 00:33:54,994 --> 00:33:56,722 You know what? I'm just gonna run down and get 'em. 609 00:33:56,746 --> 00:34:00,958 Listen. There are menus. 610 00:34:01,542 --> 00:34:03,252 Just choose whatever you want 611 00:34:03,336 --> 00:34:06,798 and we'll do Grubhub either before or after. 612 00:34:06,881 --> 00:34:08,298 So, whatever you want. 613 00:34:09,550 --> 00:34:10,802 You know what? Do you, 614 00:34:11,969 --> 00:34:14,806 do you have any quarters, just in case? 615 00:34:14,889 --> 00:34:16,325 'Cause, you know, flannel sheets always take longer. 616 00:34:16,349 --> 00:34:19,018 - I'm fresh out. - I... 617 00:34:19,811 --> 00:34:21,436 I don't think that I do. 618 00:34:22,563 --> 00:34:25,691 It's fine. You know what? I'll just go to the bodega on the corner. 619 00:34:25,775 --> 00:34:26,776 It's no biggie. 620 00:34:28,111 --> 00:34:30,028 Just, yeah. 621 00:34:30,530 --> 00:34:32,907 Make yourself comfortable. I'll see ya soon. 622 00:34:51,175 --> 00:34:53,094 All quiet on the pillow front? 623 00:34:54,387 --> 00:34:56,389 Maybe she cracked my code. 624 00:34:56,847 --> 00:34:59,934 Baby, admit it. The only boundary issues that girl has 625 00:35:00,017 --> 00:35:02,019 are sexual ones, and that bothers you. 626 00:35:04,605 --> 00:35:07,316 Hi, Mrs. Wexley. I just wanted to get a pic 627 00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:08,711 with this awesome purse for my Insta. 628 00:35:08,735 --> 00:35:09,736 Hope it's okay. 629 00:35:10,903 --> 00:35:14,866 No, Baxter, it is not okay. 630 00:35:14,949 --> 00:35:18,703 That is my property. This is my space. 631 00:35:18,786 --> 00:35:22,498 - So, please go. - Mom. 632 00:35:25,918 --> 00:35:27,295 Dad, say something. 633 00:35:29,297 --> 00:35:30,506 Come on. 634 00:35:31,007 --> 00:35:32,425 - M'kay. - Baby. 635 00:35:33,676 --> 00:35:36,888 You are on your own, boy. 636 00:35:36,971 --> 00:35:40,933 You know, sex is one thing, but your mother's closet? 637 00:35:41,017 --> 00:35:43,102 Have you lost your mind? 638 00:35:43,603 --> 00:35:45,897 Aidan's 30 minutes late. 639 00:35:45,980 --> 00:35:47,899 He wouldn't stand me up, would he? 640 00:35:47,982 --> 00:35:51,736 No, Aidan's a good guy. Did ya call him? 641 00:35:51,819 --> 00:35:53,613 The number I have isn't good anymore. 642 00:35:54,322 --> 00:35:56,032 I don't know. Maybe he got cold feet. 643 00:35:56,115 --> 00:35:58,826 It's understandable. I thought about staying home, too. 644 00:36:00,036 --> 00:36:01,412 I wish I'd had that thought. 645 00:36:01,496 --> 00:36:04,582 Oh, my God! I totally forgot you're on your, 646 00:36:04,665 --> 00:36:08,169 you're on your hot date with Ms. Darcey. Go, go. I'm sorry. Go. 647 00:36:08,252 --> 00:36:11,381 She isn't here. Neither is Jane Austen. 648 00:36:11,464 --> 00:36:15,093 Unless Miss Austen forgot to clean her litter box. 649 00:36:15,176 --> 00:36:19,097 Amelia is off getting quarters to dry her flannel sheets. 650 00:36:19,180 --> 00:36:20,848 And I really need to pee, 651 00:36:20,932 --> 00:36:24,185 but her freak of a cat attacked me when I went in the bathroom. 652 00:36:24,268 --> 00:36:27,688 Carrie, I may be different, but dating isn't. 653 00:36:27,939 --> 00:36:31,484 It's still a shit show. A cat shit show. 654 00:36:31,567 --> 00:36:32,944 Well, do you have to stay? 655 00:36:33,277 --> 00:36:34,278 What? 656 00:36:34,862 --> 00:36:36,572 Do you have to stay? 657 00:36:37,031 --> 00:36:38,449 Ya know what? 658 00:36:39,075 --> 00:36:40,410 I don't. 659 00:36:41,035 --> 00:36:44,122 35-year-old straight Miranda would stay, 660 00:36:44,205 --> 00:36:47,667 but 56-year-old lesbian Miranda wouldn't. 661 00:36:48,793 --> 00:36:51,295 I'll tell her I'm allergic to cats! 662 00:36:51,379 --> 00:36:54,924 - Yeah, and dating. - I better go. 663 00:36:55,007 --> 00:36:57,260 I don't wanna run into her on the stairs. 664 00:36:57,343 --> 00:36:58,720 Should I leave, too? 665 00:36:59,053 --> 00:37:00,179 Wait. 666 00:37:01,222 --> 00:37:04,308 - It's a text from him. - See? Good guy. 667 00:37:04,392 --> 00:37:06,811 - Have fun. - Bye. Bye. 668 00:37:09,021 --> 00:37:10,857 "I'm here... where are you?" 669 00:37:15,236 --> 00:37:16,237 Well... 670 00:37:16,863 --> 00:37:20,867 "I'm here. Where are you?" 671 00:37:24,370 --> 00:37:25,288 "Re..." 672 00:37:25,955 --> 00:37:27,582 "Red booth"? 673 00:37:34,630 --> 00:37:40,011 Excuse me, excuse me, is, is this 60 West 55th Street? 674 00:37:40,094 --> 00:37:41,554 Next door. 675 00:37:42,972 --> 00:37:44,974 Okay. Thank you. 676 00:38:07,205 --> 00:38:09,207 What are the chances 677 00:38:10,458 --> 00:38:12,460 this would ever happen? 678 00:38:32,271 --> 00:38:33,272 Hi. 679 00:38:39,946 --> 00:38:42,573 How do you look exactly the same? 680 00:38:45,076 --> 00:38:49,622 I lost 40 pounds since I emailed you last week. 681 00:38:59,382 --> 00:39:01,092 I was sorry to hear about John. 682 00:39:01,175 --> 00:39:04,262 I wanted to write you, but I didn't know if I should. 683 00:39:04,887 --> 00:39:07,724 But I was thinkin' about you. Thank you. 684 00:39:09,434 --> 00:39:11,185 I read your book about it. 685 00:39:11,561 --> 00:39:15,773 And it was sad and it was beautiful. 686 00:39:16,858 --> 00:39:19,485 Well, it was sad 687 00:39:20,903 --> 00:39:22,530 not beautiful. 688 00:39:24,198 --> 00:39:27,744 But, time, you know? 689 00:39:28,411 --> 00:39:29,829 I'm better. 690 00:39:30,580 --> 00:39:34,167 Yeah, well, I'm very glad to hear that. 691 00:39:35,752 --> 00:39:40,840 Anyone new in your life? I couldn't find that information online. 692 00:39:43,718 --> 00:39:45,928 No. No, no one new. 693 00:39:46,429 --> 00:39:48,389 - You? - Nope. 694 00:39:48,473 --> 00:39:50,224 That's why I gained those 40 pounds. 695 00:39:51,434 --> 00:39:54,854 Man, sittin' here with you. It's like 10 years just... 696 00:39:56,898 --> 00:39:58,441 I thought maybe you stood me up. 697 00:39:58,524 --> 00:40:00,860 - I thought you stood me up. - No. 698 00:40:02,445 --> 00:40:03,780 We're on the same page. 699 00:40:03,863 --> 00:40:05,490 We're on the same page. 700 00:40:16,459 --> 00:40:18,294 I got a bottle opener. 701 00:40:18,753 --> 00:40:19,962 Okay. 702 00:40:20,380 --> 00:40:24,008 - I know how to slap 'em off. - I know you do. 703 00:40:26,594 --> 00:40:28,012 Hey, you... 704 00:40:29,180 --> 00:40:32,183 - You still live here? - Yeah, I moved back. 705 00:40:32,809 --> 00:40:35,812 It's a story. Come on up. 706 00:40:36,687 --> 00:40:41,234 When you said "Go back to your place," I just thought ya had a different place. 707 00:40:45,238 --> 00:40:47,240 What's happening now? 708 00:40:50,827 --> 00:40:56,707 At the restaurant, I just thought how great, this feels really great. 709 00:40:57,750 --> 00:40:59,752 We're back where we started. 710 00:41:01,379 --> 00:41:03,673 But this is where we ended 711 00:41:03,756 --> 00:41:06,801 with the fuckin' wall I couldn't break through, 712 00:41:06,884 --> 00:41:10,888 and those floors, remember the floors that I redid? 713 00:41:11,931 --> 00:41:15,768 I mean, it's all bad. And it's just... It's all in there. 714 00:41:16,936 --> 00:41:18,563 Okay, yes, it's... 715 00:41:19,313 --> 00:41:21,315 it's the same place, but... 716 00:41:22,859 --> 00:41:26,070 but we're not in the same place. 717 00:41:27,196 --> 00:41:31,159 And really, it doesn't even look the same. 718 00:41:32,660 --> 00:41:36,289 I hung wallpaper and I've repainted. 719 00:41:39,459 --> 00:41:42,462 And it wasn't all bad, Aidan, was it? 720 00:41:53,639 --> 00:41:55,266 Are you listening? 721 00:41:56,893 --> 00:41:59,520 Yeah, I am. I'm listening. 722 00:42:02,899 --> 00:42:05,026 I just can't do it. I... 723 00:42:06,319 --> 00:42:11,199 No matter how much I want to I can't go in there again with all that. 724 00:42:14,744 --> 00:42:16,746 I'm never goin' in there again. 725 00:42:20,291 --> 00:42:22,502 I thought it felt too easy, too. 726 00:42:27,256 --> 00:42:28,674 I understand. 727 00:42:29,467 --> 00:42:31,094 I do. 728 00:42:33,763 --> 00:42:36,391 I guess time doesn't heal everything. 729 00:42:38,643 --> 00:42:41,270 No matter how much you want it to. 730 00:42:42,063 --> 00:42:43,481 Shit. 731 00:42:43,981 --> 00:42:46,401 I should go. I... 732 00:42:53,449 --> 00:42:54,659 Hey, fuck it. 733 00:42:55,410 --> 00:42:59,247 This is New York. They have hotels, right? 734 00:43:06,754 --> 00:43:08,923 And just like that... 735 00:43:09,006 --> 00:43:12,176 Aidan and I were back on the same page.